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What Is People Pleasing and How Can I Stop?

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People pleasing can often go seen as a more courteous accommodation when in reality it is a character defect.  Finding inner confidence and being able to implement that into your daily life can help improve a wide range of areas when it comes to your job, family life, or relationships.  When you are finally able to complete tasks for the sake of doing them as opposed to doing them to satisfy the need for someone else, you will notice growth and development of your overall well-being.

Why Is People Pleasing Bad?

By focusing on perfectionist traits, people pleasers can emotionally drain themselves trying to spark a positive reaction from others.  Typically, people pleasers gain resentments because they end up feeling used when their hard work isn’t appreciated.  A build up of resentments is completely unhealthy and can cause multiple destructive behaviors like addiction. Taking a deeper look, people pleasing allows the individual a way to manipulate another person into controlling them.  However, it becomes a method of self-harm because they are the ones initiating and orchestrating display of the behaviors.  Those that people please are also being completely dishonest by sending mixed messages during the times in which they are saying yes when they truly mean no.  When the person is more focused in this act of dishonest behavior, they are committing fraudulent acts in order to be accepted by others.  This makes the authenticity in each relationship they have doubtful because scheming becomes greatly apparent.

Good Deeds vs. People Pleasing

Once a person becomes aware of their defect of people pleasing, they can better work on reversing it and take notice of when they are being genuine with helping others.  This is going to require a deep level of honesty with themselves.  They will have to question their motives and see if they are helping the other person to satisfy their need to spur a specific reaction or if they are doing it out of the kindness of their heart.  A true good deed has occurred when something is done with nothing expected in return.  Understanding the difference between a genuine act of graciousness and people pleasing to get a specific reaction from someone can easily become mixed up, but this is why practice is needed in order to better get in touch of the sincerity of the motives behind the action.

People pleasing may sound like a seemingly innocent character trait but the truth is that it is a detrimental defect that is harmful to your health.  It is dishonest and blocks you from being able to have authentic relationships with the people around you.  When you can find confidence in yourself and question the real reasons behind the actions you are involved in, you become much more efficient with your awareness of defects of character like people pleasing.  You may notice positive changes in your behavior like the ability to be connected with others and maintain meaningful relationships.




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